“But what should I do?”
This is a question I sometimes hear from clients, though not often. It usually comes from those who are going through immense pain, confusion, or both. They are desperate for relief, for answers, and it’s understandable. When you’re struggling and hurting, it’s only natural to want someone—especially a professional—to tell you what to do to make it stop. And as a therapist, I often feel that pull too, to give them a solution, to alleviate their distress. But as much as I want to help, this is where the distinction between therapy and giving advice comes into play.
Why Therapy Is Not About Giving Advice
Therapy is not about quick fixes or telling someone what to do. It’s not simply about providing answers or solutions to life’s problems. Instead, therapy is a space for deep self-exploration and understanding. It’s a journey of self-discovery where the client learns about their emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. Rather than offering advice, the therapist’s role is to facilitate that journey, helping the client untangle their feelings and develop their inner strength and insight.
This process takes time, and it can be uncomfortable, especially when both the client and therapist might wish for a faster solution. But therapy is about finding lasting change, not temporary relief. Sitting with pain and confusion—rather than rushing to resolve it—can be the most transformative part of the therapeutic process.
The Therapist’s Role: Support, Not Solutions
This doesn’t mean I withhold information that I believe could benefit a client. If I see a recurring pattern or believe a client is acting against their best interest, I’ll speak up. It also doesn’t mean that I’m never directive. There are specific situations where I offer guidance, especially when it comes to addressing symptoms or breaking unhealthy habits.
For example, I often use cognitive-behavioural techniques with clients who are dealing with anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges. These methods can provide symptom relief and help clients develop better coping strategies. In more severe cases, such as when someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, I may become more hands-on, working with them to create a safety plan or helping them seek emergency care.
In less extreme scenarios, I might suggest a client meet with a psychiatrist to explore medication options, or I might encourage them to engage in self-care activities, such as breathing exercises, yoga, or spending time with supportive friends. With couples, I often assign “homework,” like communication exercises or focusing on positive aspects of their relationship.
Therapy vs. Advice: A Subtle but Important Distinction
While I offer guidance and suggestions in specific situations, I am careful not to cross the line into giving advice on major life decisions. There’s a crucial difference between helping someone reflect on their choices and telling them what to do. Therapy is not about taking the responsibility away from the client; it’s about empowering them to make their own decisions.
If a client is looking for someone to tell them what to do, it may indicate a deeper desire to avoid accountability. Advice can shift the burden of responsibility onto someone else. But therapy is about helping clients recognize and own their power, so they can confidently make decisions that are right for them.
If you’re seeking a therapist solely for advice, it’s worth considering what you’re truly hoping to get from the experience. Therapy is not about receiving a step-by-step guide to life. It’s about developing the tools, insight, and self-awareness needed to navigate life’s challenges in a way that feels authentic to you.
Conversely, if you’re in therapy and find that your therapist spends the majority of the session offering advice, sharing personal stories, or giving solutions, it might be a sign that the therapist is uncomfortable with the deeper therapeutic process. It’s important to have a space where your emotions and thoughts can be explored, not rushed or filled with someone else’s solutions. If you feel that the space for self-discovery is lacking, it may be time to consider finding a therapist who prioritizes your personal process of growth and self-awareness.
Therapy isn’t about quick fixes or having someone else solve your problems. It’s about the journey toward understanding yourself and making empowered decisions. While advice can be helpful in certain situations, true therapeutic growth comes from within. Therapy helps you find clarity, strength, and the tools to navigate your own path forward. If you’re looking for that space of self-discovery, therapy is a powerful place to start.