Therapists, like all humans, make mistakes. It’s an inevitable part of the profession. Yet, discussing these errors openly can feel taboo, despite the valuable learning opportunities they present. What happens when a therapist, who is supposed to be a reliable source of support, slips up? What should a client or therapist do in these situations? And how can these moments be turned into productive therapeutic experiences?
Common Therapist Mistakes
One of the most frequent mistakes in therapy is a simple mismatch of styles. Sometimes, the therapeutic approach doesn’t align with the client’s needs. For example, a therapist might push the client to confront difficult issues when they actually need comfort or provide reassurance when the client is prepared to face a more challenging discussion. Small errors, such as forgetting a client’s important detail or misreading emotional cues, can also strain the relationship. While these mistakes may seem minor, they can trigger feelings of abandonment, especially for clients who have experienced relational trauma.
Take Lisa’s case, for example. Her therapist often interrupted her to offer solutions when all she needed was space to process her emotions. Each time, she felt more unheard and disconnected. For Lisa, the constant interruptions mirrored the emotional neglect she experienced in childhood. Over time, her frustration grew, and the therapeutic relationship suffered. The key lesson here is that even well-meaning therapists can unintentionally mirror past relational wounds, reinforcing negative feelings rather than resolving them.
Another common mistake therapists can make is over identifying with a client’s experience, leading them to project their own feelings and biases onto the situation. This can subtly shift the focus away from the client’s unique emotions and needs.
For example, consider John’s situation. John was going through a difficult divorce, and his therapist, having experienced a similar situation in her own life, began offering advice based on her personal experience. While well-meaning, this caused John to feel like his concerns were being overshadowed by the therapist’s story. He began to feel as though he had to take on the therapist’s perspective rather than exploring his own feelings about the divorce. This not only stifled John’s emotional processing but also made him feel disconnected, as though his experience wasn’t being fully understood or respected.
In such cases, the therapist’s role is to remain mindful of their own experiences and ensure they’re not imposing their emotional narratives on the client. A therapist must strike a balance between empathizing with a client’s pain and maintaining enough distance to focus on the client’s individual healing process.
What Happens When a Therapist Misses a Session?
Let’s look at a real-world scenario: Imagine you’re the therapist, and you accidentally miss a client session due to a scheduling error. Your client, Sarah, shows up on time, sits in your waiting room, and knocks on your door, but you’re nowhere to be found. When you finally realize the mistake and call her, she expresses frustration and hurt.
Missing a session might seem like a logistical error, but for some clients, especially those with abandonment issues, this can feel like a profound betrayal. For Sarah, who had struggled with feelings of neglect from important figures in her life, the missed session was more than a simple mistake—it echoed her past experiences of being forgotten and left behind.
Addressing Mistakes in Therapy
When mistakes happen, how we respond is crucial. Ignoring or minimizing the error may cause the client to feel dismissed, further eroding trust. Therapists need to own up to their mistakes openly and honestly.
In Sarah’s case, her therapist immediately acknowledged the error, apologized, and allowed Sarah to express her feelings. The therapist didn’t rush past the mistake but instead provided space for Sarah to process it, linking it back to past experiences of abandonment. This helped Sarah not only move forward but also deepen her understanding of her emotional triggers. By being present for Sarah’s anger and hurt, the therapist turned the error into a powerful therapeutic tool.
Exploring Client Responses to Therapist Mistakes
Different clients will respond differently to therapeutic errors. Some may brush it off as insignificant, while others, like Sarah, may feel deeply affected. It’s essential to allow clients the space to express whatever feelings arise, whether those are anger, sadness, or disappointment.
Take David, for instance. His therapist forgot a crucial detail from a past session, which was particularly meaningful to him. Though it seemed like a small oversight to the therapist, it left David feeling unseen and undervalued. Instead of immediately dismissing David’s feelings, his therapist encouraged him to talk about why the memory was important and how forgetting it mirrored past experiences of not being acknowledged.
For David, the conversation turned into an opportunity to confront feelings of inadequacy and the belief that he didn’t matter to others. In doing so, the therapeutic relationship was strengthened, as David learned that even when mistakes happen, they can be acknowledged and repaired without damaging the trust he had built.
Balancing Accountability and Self-Forgiveness as a Therapist
Therapists, being human, also need to learn how to forgive themselves for these inevitable mistakes. Finding the right balance between taking responsibility for mistakes and demonstrating self-compassion is crucial in therapy. If a therapist is overly self-critical, they may unintentionally shift the focus away from the client’s needs. However, pretending the mistake didn’t happen also does a disservice to the client.
For instance, a therapist who is overly apologetic may burden the client with managing their emotions, while one who dismisses the error can come across as indifferent. The key is acknowledging the mistake and creating a space for it to be processed without letting it overshadow the therapy itself.
Turning Mistakes into Opportunities for Growth
Mistakes in therapy, while uncomfortable, can also provide valuable opportunities for growth. Clients can use their emotional responses to therapist errors to explore unresolved issues from their past. In fact, therapeutic errors can offer insights into how the client handles disappointment, anger, and trust in relationships outside of therapy.
For example, when Sarah’s therapist missed her session, they used the incident to delve into Sarah’s history of abandonment and how those feelings were reactivated by the mistake. Instead of the missed session weakening the therapeutic relationship, it actually became a turning point that deepened her trust in the therapist.
The Takeaway
Therapy, at its core, is a relationship. Like all relationships, it involves moments of imperfection. What matters most is how these moments are handled. When therapists make mistakes, acknowledging them with empathy, humility, and a willingness to repair the breach can strengthen the therapeutic bond.
For clients, therapeutic mistakes can offer a unique opportunity to confront and work through unresolved feelings from their past. Ultimately, the success of therapy isn’t defined by the absence of mistakes, but by the willingness to navigate them with openness and care.